Well, well... today is my 28th birthday and there a little something I'd like to share with you...
I struggled few times to accept that and I think some of you readers will understand why…
I do not trust people that easily. It takes me time (real time!) to let them in and open up about myself. They kind of have to win my trust and when they do, they become family. For the people who know me, Family is everything. I am devoted to mine and would move mountains if I need to. Well, the same applies to the people I become close to, my extended family…
Life is a sum of experiences and lessons learned. Some relationships, love and friendship, can really impact you, your personality and your priorities. You can, in fact, go above and beyond for the people you care about and still, they will break that trust. And that is what life is all about, building relationships and accepting that they might fall apart at some point.
You should never forget that for a relationship to work out, each and every one has to be committed to it, not only you! You cannot force something to work out if it is not meant to. You cannot prioritize somebody over yourself!
Through this ten years in “adulthood”, that is something that I have been applying in every aspect of my life. I set my priorities and decided to put myself first. In order to be at peace with yourself, you have to listen to yourself first: what is it in for you? How would this decision impact your life? Will you regret this choice afterward?
You should never ask yourself “what would they think of me if…?”
And yes, don’t be mistaken! Putting yourself as the leader in your life is not selfishness at all, just self-fuck!ng-love !
Patience (n.m): Living in the present without giving up on the beauty the future has in store for you.
"Be patient". That's something we have all been told to be but that I also encourage myself to be. I know how powerful Patience can be but I know as well how the human minds can be tricky, even more when in group or society...
You can persuade yourself to be patient and trust the time, trust the future, God's plan... But how about those people around you showing you the clock tic-tocking? Making you believe that all your life choices have to be made RIGHT NOW or it is going to be too late?
Well, let me remind you something... You don't know how much time you have left to live nor how to live it...
So, until proven otherwise (and even proven otherwise!), you are the Time Master of you own life...! Make your own choices when you feel like the time is right and for the rest; be patient indeed... No need to rush You will know what the future has for you when the time will come.
"When judging another, you don’t define them… You define yourself."
- Wayne Dyer, author
We often find ourselves inspecting people lives. We evaluate what they do right, what they do wrong… Assuming how they righteously should be living their lives, ending up judging their decisions, their choices… We are actually being judgmental. And I intentionally say “we” as I am also part of it, though I’ve working on this for years; being myself confronted to people’s judgment…
The first question is: why do we think that our way to see things is the right way?
I would say that our respective environments have an influence on our judgment. The societies, even communities we are from and live in influence our judgment. Examples?
Many times, I found myself explaining why I act this or that way, why I think this or that way because I am both black AND religious… I understand that people are curious and want to understand why we are who we are and I love the idea of exchanging on subjects that do matters… However, sometimes, the discussion quickly turns out to be a trial: that person being the ‘picky’ judge and me embodying the lawyer.
I have been raised on the principles of a specific religion. Growing up, I myself decided to learn more from it besides what my parents taught me. If I am still a believer, it is not because I was raised to think so but because I recognize myself in this religion principles and what I learnt. I won’t say that I am perfect (how would I dare!?) as I too struggle sometimes. Neither would I say that, at 26, I know all about it (who would say so?).
While discussing with people who seem deeply interested in where I put myself on the “scale of faith”, I realize that they are not always trying to understand my choices but, instead, showing me why I am wrong… I’ve been asked once “If God exists, why is there so much cruelty on the planet? Why is there still poverty and wars?” etc. Well, I assume that these are Humans doings but hey, this is just my thought! Oh, I also get this one: “how could you believe what someone wrote saying that it is from God but wasn’t even there to witness it?”… That is a good one to which I reply: isn’t that the essence of believing? Believing in what you can and cannot see? Not everything can be justified. Besides, you never have to feel guilty not finding the right answer to their questions. Many will look at what you do wrong (the Judge) and point it out so you will have to defend yourself (the Lawyer)… Just remember that maybe, you reflecting on your decisions and the “definition of you” eventually face them to their wrongs and lead them to be judgy and picky on you…
I have a couple of friends who decided to change their way of life becoming vegetarian or Vegan. It always surprises others as we are said to be “carnivores”. They also have to stand still regarding the questions they are being asked.
“What do you eat then? Only seeds?” “Vegetables are also living beings, aren’t they?” “But the clothes you’re wearing are not vegan!” etc.
Are we afraid of the unknown? Is being non-compliant to the rest of the society that scary?
We have to keep in mind that everyone chooses how to define him/herself. Changing your way of life does not occur in the middle of the night. Becoming vegetarian or vegan is a huge life change that implies time. Their decision is motivated; being the finale step of what they’ve learnt for months, even years. It does not mean that you will stop eating cheese right away nor stop wearing your clothes, showing up at work naked the next morning!
We all have enough in our plates, don’t you think so? Let’s respect each and other choices. Let’s learn from it, be curious but not judgmental. Let’s grow together and not diminish each other. Let’s benefit from each other’s difference… Would the world be worth exploring if we were all shaped the same way?
Back home from a long day at work, exhausted... The only things you have in mind are Bath & Bed, right? Well, food also but that could quickly and easily become optional!^^
However, did you take 5 minutes to think about 5 things you are grateful for?
Indeed, we are so caught up in our daily routine, forgetting about the tiny little things we take for granted. Day after day, life goes on... We complain about the subway being crowdy, the boss fixing unreachable objectives, that one colleague who did not reply to your "hello" in the elevator... the list goes on!
As always, our mind is as of we remember all the wrongs, the worst in people! But still... there are always good things that happen in our daily life that we should be grateful for...
Remember that woman who held the door when you came back from the grocery store? Or that other one who complimented you about your new hair cut when you did not feel satisfied?
Your mum texting you her new recipe she was so proud of ? The one-hour call with your long-lost friend? That cute little curl smiling at you while waiting for the bus?
See... these are just few things you should be grateful for; putting aside the fact that you are one out of a few breathing freely, having three meals per day, still have both parents to tell them you love them...
Don't take these things for granted... Seek and see comfort in each of them. Take only five... five tiny little minute every day to be grateful for what you have and, if possible, give back..
The one to think about is you
The one to take care of is you
The one to trust is actually you
The one to be loved unconditionally is you
Don't you think that's already quite a work to do ?
We often resign ourselves to be the way people define us... to be the reflection of their vision...
Don't be afraid of who you are... Embrace it ! Don't be ashamed of what you love !
Go explore the world
If it’s travelling that you love!
Raise your voice
If it’s singing that you love!
Embody your truth
If it’s dancing that you love!
Capture Life’s beauty
If it’s photography that you love!
After all, what’s life’s with no passion?
Be the best version of yourself!
No matter what you do, people will always have something to say...
This is your life, your own journey!
"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher"
- Oprah Winfrey
I think this sums up quite a lot...
In my previous article, I was talking about how we grow through what we go through... However, a soldier is stronger surrounded by his peers, right?
In every step of this journey called Life, you will meet people. Some will leave, some will stay... It is your right to decide who stays and who does not !
You must seek for your own sake before anything else and the people around you who understand that are also the ones who will bring the best out of you.
You will be confronted to tough situations or decisions along the way. Your family will be by your side, but your friends too.. And, by friends, I mean the ones with whom you share crazy laughs but who face you up with the unbearable truth when you do sh!*ty things ! Those friends lift you up, showing you the wrongs and the rights without judging you... They encourage you to chase your dreams, they push you to go harder, to trust yourself... They celebrate when you succeed and stand by your side when you fail... When you find out that your friends meet these "requirements", well... you are on the right path to rise and lift them up too !
We should empower each other, be good to each other...
I realized that I am surrounded by these friends and I am not ready to give them away !
There is a quote saying that "God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers".
This sentence has a meaning that we often don't understand as it should be... Indeed, whenever we are confronted to a rough situation, we usually end up doubting ourselves using a lot of tools : self-neglectiing, self-rejection, hard self-judgment, low self-esteem & self-confidence...
Instead of seeing those events as bad, we should extract the best from them... A mistake already done won't happen again. Knowing that is the first step to fight back and increase your self-confidence! Plus, every hardship and the way you go through it reinforce your self-esteem; diminishing the rejection of your own self!
Nobody is perfect so don't be hard on yourself ! Benefit from these imperfections that sometimes lead you to bad decisions but, simultaneously contribute in the process of being a better version of yourself.
It is alright to make mistakes, as long as, for the sake of your body & soul, you grow through what you go through...
After a long and deep discussion (as always!) with one of my dearest colleague, she proposed me to answer few questions that would help me explore my true self.
She found these questions on the "By Gala Project", a youtube page that you must check!!
There are 25 questions that would make you reflect on simple things of life that for some, we oddly do not know what to answer...
Enough said, take few minutes to really explore each one of them. They may help you to find your true self and explore it !
1 - What’s your definition of happiness? Are you happy? What would it take for you to be so?
2 - What’s your dream?
3 - What’s your biggest fear?
4 - What do you believe in? (God, Energies…)… Why? Have you ever witnessed a paranormal experience?
5 - Do you believe in the afterlife?
6 - What’s the proof of love that made you the happiest?
7 - What’s your best memory?
8 - Who are you? Why do you think you came to Earth? Introduce yourself…
9 - Do you love yourself? Are you proud of you? Why?
10 - To you, what’s the most important thing in life?
11 - If you could change something in your life, what would it be?
12 - Do you have any regrets? If yes, what is it?
13 - What’s the most courageous thing you ever had to do?
14 - What’s the experience that marked you, as a child or an adult?
15 - What makes you want to wake up in the morning?
16 - If I had the power to offer you whatever you want, what would it be?
17 - If you had only one day left to live, what would you want right away? What if you had many years left?
18 - What has Life taught you? What advice would you give to the rest of the world?
19 - If you had only one message to deliver to Humanity, what would it be? What’s the greatest thing you ever did for humanity?
20 - What did you love when you were a child?
21 - If you had all the money in the world and time on your side, what would you do? How would you enjoy life?
22 - If you had the opportunity to have another life, how would it be?
23 - What’s the most beautiful thing you ever did for someone in your life?
24 -What’s your best quality/attribute?
25 - How would you like to die ?
Intense, right ?
Well, if you want to know more about Gala & Laetitia and their "By Gala Project", have a look at their website : www.bygalaproject.com and www.lecorpslamaisonlesprit.fr/by-gala-project/!
Also, you can follow them on social media :)
It has been a while since our last catch-up time...
Feel like you've been through a lot lately. Kinda loosing your way...
Remember few things that will help you to keep on moving forward:
1 - You are the decisions YOU make
2 - Evey mistake is a lesson learned
3 - Never doubt yourself even when you feel like you should
4 - After all the rain, the sun comes out again
5 - You are worth loving !
6 - Life ain't always beautiful but it is wonderful roller-coaster !